Dog Thoughts
“Boy, am I glad I’m a person!” This is the thought that came to me as I walked my dog, Ginger, one night last week. It was about 11:00pm, and she had dragged me out of my nice cozy bed, just as I had settled in to watch the latest “Law and Order” rerun. Recognizing my responsibility as the owner in this relationship, and noticing her crossed legs, I obliged her by donning my slippers and escorting her out into the backyard. It was a beautiful night, and I stared up at the stars, marveling at the wonders of nature. As my thoughts descended earthward, I became conscious of my dog’s diligent efforts to sniff out an appropriate spot for her business. Considering her almost frantic whine to be taken outside, I was amazed at the amount of time she spent finding a good spot. It was then that I realized the true difference between humans and dogs. It has nothing to do with reason, logic or the ability to justify owning 5 pairs of black shoes. It has to do with being able to relieve oneself in the same exact location day after day!
No, really. Think about this. It’s bad enough that dogs, and pet animals in general, are required to eat the same food 2 or 3 times a day. I guess they get used to that. But now imagine, that you have just finished off a meal of this wonderfully bland, monotonous nutrition. You have been relaxing in the rays of the sun, shining through the window, and dreaming of chasing rabbits (even though you have no idea what you would do with one if you actually caught it), and then nature calls. As with all creatures enjoying a nice nap, you decide to ignore the call, and hope it calls back . . . later. When you finally realize that it is not going to stop ringing your bell, you give in and leave your warm nap spot. Here’s where the processes begin to differ. As a human, you and I simply rise from our respective beds, walk to the nearest restroom, handle the business at hand, and return to bed. And assuming that you are over the age of 5 or 6, you most probably handle this on your own. I know that I, for example, have not woken my husband up to share my nighttime wanderings, since our first anniversary, when he let me know that he felt I was taking our togetherness just a bit too far. On the other hand, my dog – and any other domesticated animal – has to first find another creature to accompany her on this journey. And it’s not just a question of “I’m going to the ladies room, does anyone else want to come?” But more along the lines of “I have to go to the ladies room, who’s going to take me?” So she first has to wake me up, which she surely knows is not going to win her any brownie points. Then she has to convince me that “yes, it’s an emergency”, and “no, it cannot wait until morning.” When I am convinced of these truths, I then accompany her outside. It was at this point the other night, that I was so very thankful that I am a human. Because once outside, my dog has to then begin the task of locating an acceptable Potty Place. I’m not really sure what constitutes a “good” potty place. Is it one that already has her scent, and smells like her? Is it one that is missing her scent, so she needs to add it to the mix? I have tried watching her over the course of a few days, to try to discern a pattern to the selections – a Potty Pattern, if you will – but to no avail. SO, assuming that she can get me out of bed and find an appropriate location before wetting herself, she now has the final privilege of having me watch the end result. (no pun intended!) I then take her back inside and give her a treat. A TREAT! FOR RELIEVING HERSELF! Hmmmm . . . now there’s an idea . . . I think I’ll go wake up my husband.
No, really. Think about this. It’s bad enough that dogs, and pet animals in general, are required to eat the same food 2 or 3 times a day. I guess they get used to that. But now imagine, that you have just finished off a meal of this wonderfully bland, monotonous nutrition. You have been relaxing in the rays of the sun, shining through the window, and dreaming of chasing rabbits (even though you have no idea what you would do with one if you actually caught it), and then nature calls. As with all creatures enjoying a nice nap, you decide to ignore the call, and hope it calls back . . . later. When you finally realize that it is not going to stop ringing your bell, you give in and leave your warm nap spot. Here’s where the processes begin to differ. As a human, you and I simply rise from our respective beds, walk to the nearest restroom, handle the business at hand, and return to bed. And assuming that you are over the age of 5 or 6, you most probably handle this on your own. I know that I, for example, have not woken my husband up to share my nighttime wanderings, since our first anniversary, when he let me know that he felt I was taking our togetherness just a bit too far. On the other hand, my dog – and any other domesticated animal – has to first find another creature to accompany her on this journey. And it’s not just a question of “I’m going to the ladies room, does anyone else want to come?” But more along the lines of “I have to go to the ladies room, who’s going to take me?” So she first has to wake me up, which she surely knows is not going to win her any brownie points. Then she has to convince me that “yes, it’s an emergency”, and “no, it cannot wait until morning.” When I am convinced of these truths, I then accompany her outside. It was at this point the other night, that I was so very thankful that I am a human. Because once outside, my dog has to then begin the task of locating an acceptable Potty Place. I’m not really sure what constitutes a “good” potty place. Is it one that already has her scent, and smells like her? Is it one that is missing her scent, so she needs to add it to the mix? I have tried watching her over the course of a few days, to try to discern a pattern to the selections – a Potty Pattern, if you will – but to no avail. SO, assuming that she can get me out of bed and find an appropriate location before wetting herself, she now has the final privilege of having me watch the end result. (no pun intended!) I then take her back inside and give her a treat. A TREAT! FOR RELIEVING HERSELF! Hmmmm . . . now there’s an idea . . . I think I’ll go wake up my husband.